Clams' Alleged Connection to 9/11

Tony Clams was born on July 6th, 1946 in New Haven, Connecticut. His family then moved to Houston, Texas, where Clams' was raised. He attended public school, was a mediocre student, but had lots of friends. By the time Clams' was in high school, he began to get more serious about his grades, at the insistence of his father. He attended a prep boarding school where not only did he play baseball, but he was actually the head cheerleader. Really. Like actually Google that later. You'll know what to Google. When it came time to consider college, Clams' applied to the University of Texas, was rejected, but then Harvard accepted him? University of Texas didn't, but Harvard did. Also true.

Anyway, Clams went to college, lived out the events of Van Wilder non-ironically and more misogynistically, and graduated with very 'meh' grades. After college, he started a hang gliding business called, "Hang With Tony Clams' Hang Gliders: You'll Be GLIDE You Did." Although, when Clams went to get a sign for the shop, they told him the name was way too long. Instead the sign simply read: "HWTCHGYBGYD"

HWTCHGYBGYD quickly became a national sensation. In fact, from 1977-1979, the United States government banned all modes of transportation that weren't hang gliders. This was to make more room on the streets for low-hanging hang gliders. Unfortunately, more people died in hang gliding accidents in those few years than all of history before then. Clams was kicked out as CEO, and subsequently hit rock bottom.

In 1980, Tony Clams' father, George Herbert Walker Bush, became the Vice President of Ronald Reagan. During this time, Clams' began to rethink his life. Maybe there was more to life than simply reimagining transportation. Maybe politics was in his future.

In 1988, Tony Clams' father ran a successful campaign for President of United States of America. It was around this time that Tony Clams made the biggest decision of his life. To change his name. If he was going to become President, he'd have to distance himself from the disaster that was HWTCHGYBGYD. Do you have any idea how many people died due to his hang gliders? Guess. No, really. Guess. Whatever number you said, higher. Much higher. Like bubonic plague levels. It's nuts.

Fast forwarding a bit, Tony Clams procrastinated changing his name for 11 years, until 1999. Tony Clams realized he would need to make a campaign poster and couldn't use his name. Unfortunately, when the sign employee, the same one from the seventies, asked him his name, Clams' panicked and just said his father's name. When pressed more, he said, "But no H. Still a W. But no H. Different guy."

Clams' campaign slogan for the 2000 election, "George Bush for President. But no H. Still a W. But no H. Different Guy." was a monumental success. He won the electoral college by 200 votes, and only lost the popular vote by 151 million. Anyway, 9/11 happened and a bunch of people have conspiracies about Tony Clams', aka George W. Bush, being involved with 9/11 or knowing about or something. Idk. You can look that part up yourself.